I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize