i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
