im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My vagina is officially offended.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
how drunk are you?
Several
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
