You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
