We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
