They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
