we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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