I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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