I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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