Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
