i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
