I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
