shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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