Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
