I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
