YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
