i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
