guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's never too late to be topless.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
