All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
