I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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