the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
