is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
