Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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