your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
