You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
