even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize