i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
