Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
