So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
