me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
