so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize