No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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