my shit smells like andre
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
