Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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