I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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