I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
