It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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