Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
