im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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