Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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