Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
