Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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