Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
