I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
