office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
