he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
