i think i have herpe
just one?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it's like iHOP with fire
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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