I am puke
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
