I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
