He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
