Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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