I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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