i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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