the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
