Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
