Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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