New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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