My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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