he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
