I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
