i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
