i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
