It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
