god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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