please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I will be naked everywhere
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
