go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
