The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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