It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
