Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
