You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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