See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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