the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
