Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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