New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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