and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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